006: the unintentional but super real, love letter to the vault
I kid you not. This is my third or fourth time trying to type this post. I think I found the issue and it's definitely the fact that I am trying to make it too perfect, too intellectual, when really I should bypass the brainstorming and meticulous planning this time and just type from the heart because what I want to communicate to the VAULT requires that. I literally have been sitting here in a funk because this is not just a passion project. I want to offer quality, and I always want to give what I promised to our collective. Ironically, above all else, that promise is authenticity. So here goes nothing.
VC WHERE HAVE U BEEN?
Guys, life hit me kind of hard. Back. To back. To back. If I'm honest, I have simply been exhausted... in the most complex way. As my life came crumbling on top of me, I was presented with the opportunity to go to New York during fashion week. As you all can probably imagine, I had no energy for fashion week. However, I knew that I needed a radical reset. I knew that while there was nothing wrong with me taking it slow for a while and easing up off myself, there was something diabolically wrong with coming out on the other side of this reset and nothing changed. Therefore, I knew that this time it had to be different. I love fashion. I love New York. I love the energy of fashion week, and this would be my first time in the same city as many of my favorite high fashion faces. Plus, I had a VIP ticket to Mefeater's NYFW runway showcase. My plan was to go to this show, do a little exploring, and relax. Something about the energy of New York was sure to help. Right?
Wrong. And I swear I wanted to give a happy ending to that story, but that is also what was taking me so long to put out this post. I came back even more worn out, and this is when I realized what I think may have been the lesson all along.
This year, one of my biggest goals was to just show up and do the work regardless, and see where it lands me by the end of the calendar year. It means so much to me to be able to reap the rewards of showing up for myself and for the VAULT even when I don't feel like it. Since coming home from New York six days ago, I have not had the energy to talk to anyone. I have not had the energy to go anywhere. However, I had to find the energy to show up for my goals, and so here I am on the vaultcamari.com dashboard typing yet another blog post.
I have always been the type of person to go to an extreme to feel better. Last year, every time I felt sad, confused, or down in any manner, without explanation I would go run up a tab at the spa. I realize this time (with pristine clarity) that I did not need to do anything but keep my promise to myself of showing up and putting in the work regardless of how I feel.
VAULT, let's do ourselves a favor and keep our promises to ourselves. If a goal means a lot to you to accomplish, then you do what you need to do so that you can check off that goal with integrity and gratitude. If you are not keeping your fundamental promises to yourself, then no form of radical resetting will ever work for you. Not one time did I pick up my laptop in New York and even attempt to type because I felt like I needed to do something to feel better first. In my defense, I was experiencing some heavy hitting challenges in my life that led me to feeling discouraged from working. However, I know that to not try at all is to fail. I was not my most skillful self in realizing or appreciating the fact that I have built something that affords me the opportunity to show up as I am. The survival of the VAULT actually depends on us to do so. Maybe it's imposter syndrome or something that sometimes makes it hard for me to really see what we have here, but it's so good. 2 good.
If you are reading this, I truly love and appreciate you. It makes me emotional just to think about how this just started as a tiny idea in my brain, and here we are six blog posts and one case file deep. Don't expect me to be this sappy again for at least another ten posts. We are about to talk FASHION!
Feel free to hit me up always! Connect with VC across all platforms @vaultcamari.
There's no place on Earth like the VAULT and I love it here.
xoxo, vault camari <3
feb. 18. 24.
